a dawgs fart, or, tales from life on the road

jime @ 9:32 pm
NAMES AND I.P.NUMBERS EDITED FROM CHAT-TRANSCRIPT TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT
jime: ]most of y’all know i was a carnie in a previous life, i presume?
female chatter #1 no…..JIme….did you get a mr goodbar?
male-chatter-#2 yup jime
jime: naw, lol
female-chatter-#2 kool jime
female-chatter-#3 oh yeah, jime..I knew that..umm dreamed that..umm yep!
female chatter #1 you was a bird before?
female-chatter-#2 i betcha you had lotsa adventures
jime: had me this albino boxer dawg
jime: or did he have me?
jime: anyhoo
female-chatter-#3 lol
male-chatter-#1 Adam and Rex?
female-chatter-#4 lol
female-chatter-#3 hehe
jime: we had just left this lil lady in washington pa after the season was over

female-chatter-#2 oh yes…. we are their humans

female-chatter-#2 and

female-chatter-#2 waits

female chatter #1 the dog farted

jime: we was thumbin’ notherly to go winter with another lil lass from the show who had headed north bout school start time

jime: it was a dark n stormy night, cold, freezin’ rain, etc

female-chatter-#2 :-O

jime: we got let off on this interstate off ramp in the middle of BFE pa

male-chatter-#2 thinks we need a camp fire

female-chatter-#3 hehe…waiting with antisapation

female-chatter-#4 and some violins in the background

jime: we went up yonder to the overpass hotel to lay out fer night

female chatter #1 lol female-chatter-#3 ..i read waiting with constipation

female-chatter-#2 ROF

male-chatter-#2 LOL female chatter #1
female-chatter-#3 that too, female chatter #1 …lol!

male-chatter-#2 don’t mind us jime. continue pleas.

female-chatter-#2 yes

jime: most overpasses, fer all y’all from stable n sedentary lifestyles, have, ledges wide enough to camp out on, right under the bridge itself

female-chatter-#2 yep, got one right behind my house

female-chatter-#3 lol I spose
jime: so, i rolls out me bedroll, strips down ( fer some reason, yer warmer sleepin’ in the raw in a good bedroll than clothed )

male-chatter-#2 and it’s hard for the cops to see ya when you are bedded down
jime: get in the bag, zip it up, n start to drift off
jime: exactly, bro (-;
female-chatter-#2 is forming a picture here
jime: anyway, ole boxers aynt right hairy, ya know?
female-chatter-#3 got mental pic implanted
female-chatter-#2 nekked jime in sleeping bat with white dog
female chatter #1 yep, jime in the buff on the ruff
female-chatter-#4 lol
male-chatter-#2 ROFL
female-chatter-#3 lmao
jime: he was curled up outside the bag, just a shiverin’ his lil ole ass off
female-chatter-#3 oh no ya didn’t
jime: shiverin’ so bad i was keepin’ me awake
female chatter #1 and you offered him half your bag?
male-chatter-#2 oh man
jime: so, nice feller that i am (and so i could get some SLEEP! ) iu let him in the bag with me
female-chatter-#4 gosh - asphixiation time
female-chatter-#2 listens intently
female-chatter-#3 hehe
jime: bag was huge, really
female chatter #1 LOL i knew it….
female-chatter-#3 right jime…lol
jime: big enough fer three VERY friendly folk (-;
female-chatter-#3 lol
female-chatter-#2 waits to see whose farts chased who outta the bag
female chatter #1 except the dog was not friendly
jime: it was an army surplus mummy bag, musta been made fer goliath tho?
female-chatter-#2 uhoh
jime: anyhoo
jime: all y’all know that point of sleep, yer not asleep, exactly, just kinda driftin’, all cozy n comfy n such?
male-chatter-#2 ut ohhh
female-chatter-#3 is crakin’ up,
female-chatter-#4 it’s comin’
jime: well, bout that time, i heard what seemed to be a jake brake on a big rig cuttin’ in as the driver gears down to fall off’n a hill
female-chatter-#2 vinnie just got sacked
female-chatter-#3 that’s what I skeert of femalechatter #4
female chatter #1 jime got efixeated
female-chatter-#4 fog city
female-chatter-#2 jake brake?
male-chatter-#2 oh boy
[ male-chatter-#1 ass-fixiated
jime: ole springer was all curled up bout belly level on me
female chatter #1 which way was he pointing?
female-chatter-#2 lol female chatter #1
male-chatter-#2 compression brake on a big rig, female-chatter-#2. makes that big brrrr brrrr brrrrr sound
jime: then he started goin’ nutz, tryin’ to busta move OUT of the sleepin’ bag
female-chatter-#2 oooo, OK
female-chatter-#3 lmao!
male-chatter-#2 oh man
jime: the boy had squeezed the cheeze!
female-chatter-#3 ohhh chit!…lol
jime: anyway
female-chatter-#2 lOL
female-chatter-#2 was it a wet one?
male-chatter-#2 couldn’t even stand his own fart eh?
female-chatter-#4 ewwww
female-chatter-#3 skeert himself!
jime: he’s scramblin’ like a crack-ho after a 50 buck rock, tryin’ to get OUT that lil bitty hole up top
female-chatter-#2 LOL
female chatter #1 you gotta be thankful his tail was near the bottom
jime: that woke me up
male-chatter-#2 LOL
female-chatter-#2 I bet it did!
male-chatter-#2 could have been much worse jime
female-chatter-#2 revelie!
female-chatter-#4 did you roll off the ledge?
jime: then, , when i’m tryin’ figger out is they a coon, a possum, or worse tryin’ to have us fer vittles, that SMELL stuck its nassy lil self up my only unclogged nose hole!
male-chatter-#2 LOL
jime: now I’M tryin’ to get out!
female-chatter-#4 haha
female-chatter-#3 omg..rofl
female-chatter-#2 LOL LOL
female chatter #1 who won…you or the dog?
jime: now, all y’all try to unzip a freakin’ mummy bag with 75 pounds of beast tryin’ to get out twixt you n the zipper
jime: go head on, i DARE ya!
jime: lol
female-chatter-#3 lmao!!!!!!!!!!!
jime: anyhoo…..
male-chatter-#2 like i said we need a campfire
female chatter #1 sounds like you both got to enjoy the aroma awhile longer than you wanted to
female-chatter-#3 sides hurt
jime: in all the commotion, we rolled OFF the ledge, n down the slope into the road below
female-chatter-#4 figured that LOL
male-chatter-#2 oh jeezus
female-chatter-#3 lmao!!..omg
jime: bout that time, i manage to get trhe zipper open, n springer bolted, just a howlin’ n a yowlin’ like his tail was on fire n his ass was acatchin’……
female chatter #1 LOL…a nekkid sleeper in a rolling sleeping bag
female-chatter-#3 lol!
jime: i’m comin’ out the bag, butt nekkid, goose bumps bigger than aretha’s titty nipples
female-chatter-#4 hard to hold your breath when you’re rolling
male-chatter-#1 two nekkid sleepers..right?
jime: and what do i see?
jime: headlights!
female-chatter-#4 oh no
female-chatter-#3 omg
female chatter #1 da state trouper?
male-chatter-#2 aretha? LOL
jime: not 5 feet away!
female-chatter-#2 OMG
jime: it was a local sherrifs ociffer
male-chatter-#1 …and the legend of bigfoot was born…
female-chatter-#2 LOL… I can picture that
female-chatter-#3 oh geez
male-chatter-#2 ROFL R_E
female-chatter-#2 OH no
female-chatter-#3 lmao…bigfoot
jime: he was parked there, doin’ shift change paperwork
jime: he like to SHIT!
female-chatter-#2 holy cow
female chatter #1 now explain to cop why you are nekkid in a sleeping bag with a dog who is trying to bolt….can you see it now
female-chatter-#2 HE did? how bout you????
male-chatter-#2 yah i can female chatter #1 LOL
female-chatter-#3 LOL, what a surprise he got!
jime: here comes this shapeless mass of darkness, makin’ all SORTSA wierdass racket, n stops in front of his car
male-chatter-#2 Hi There!
female-chatter-#4 HAHA
female-chatter-#3 can’t see keys fer tesrs
jime: did i mention this was hallowe’en time?
female-chatter-#4 my tummy hurts
female-chatter-#2 lol…. nope
jime: he was a tad spooked, lol
male-chatter-#2 just keeps gettin better and better eh?
jime: he bailed out his car, lol
female-chatter-#3 ohhh gawd
female-chatter-#4 gun drawn??
female chatter #1 LOL….I can see the head lines now
jime: 1st thang he seen was a white blur as springer shagged ass fer parts safer than that bag n my hairy ass usin’ him as a cushion whilst rollin’
female-chatter-#2 OMG…. Dallas just scored!
male-chatter-#2 he throw down on ya ‘bro?
jime: makin’ the MOST gawd awful bellerin’ noise
male-chatter-#2 cause i sure as hell would have ROFL
female-chatter-#4 yep - I’m watching
jime: then this butt nekkid long haired hippy lookin’ feller pops up
female-chatter-#3 hurry juime gotta go pe…lol
female-chatter-#4 ROTF
jime: naw, he was too skeered, lol
male-chatter-#2 :
female-chatter-#4 oh - just drown some more ants female-chatter-#3
male-chatter-#2 female-chatter-#3 gonna make a mess here in a minute
jime: i was cussin’, bout 9 different languages, he said, lol
female-chatter-#3 lol Di
female chatter #1 do pee pee dance female-chatter-#3y
jime: wasn’t sure WHAT was goin’ on
male-chatter-#2 watches female-chatter-#3 squirm in her chair
female-chatter-#3 pucker, female chatter #1…;-)
jime: he hollers” what the F K is goin’ on"?
jime: i hollers back my damn dawg FARTED in the freakin’ SLEEPIN’ bag
female-chatter-#2 this is too funny
female-chatter-#3 lmao
jime: he says: what the F K?
male-chatter-#2 and imaging this with jime;s accent ROFL
jime: GET yer clothes on!
female-chatter-#3 I wonder if the cops vid cam was going…lmao
male-chatter-#2 LOL female-chatter-#3
jime: GET yer damn dawg, GET yer damn shit, n GET in this car right NOW!~
male-chatter-#2 they are probably still playing it
jime: wasn’t none back then, lol
male-chatter-#2 jime is famous
female chatter #1 why he like dog farts?
female-chatter-#4 21-20 Cowboys
jime: so, i grabs me clothes, n hop stumble into them, ice startin’ freeze to me body hair….
female-chatter-#2 don’t rub it in Di
jime: get back up the bank, got me pack
jime: got dawg n me n gear in car
jime: he headed to town, after runnin’ my ID
jime: geez, i’m busted
female-chatter-#2 oh no
jime: beastiality, all sortsa shit runnin’ through me heasd
male-chatter-#2 too bed dog didn’t fart in the car
female-chatter-#2 LOL
female-chatter-#4 oh gosh - never thought about that
jime: he wasn’t sayin’ nary a WORD
female-chatter-#3 dog farted in cop car news at eleven..LOL
jime: we hit town
female-chatter-#2 lol
jime: he said: you stay RIGHT there
jime: he went in the sherrifs office
jime: he came back out after bout 5 minutes
jime: said nary a word
jime: took off out in the country
female-chatter-#3 still has to pee
male-chatter-#2 ut oh. jime is thinkin deliverance at this point
jime: figgered he was gunna cap my long haired hillbilly ass n feed me to the varmints
female-chatter-#3 lol
jime: bout 20 minutes later, we hit a narrow 2-rut road
female chatter #1 ‘
jime: i’m bout to SHIT
female-chatter-#2 aside to di……what a game!
female-chatter-#3 cop says got me one a them thar long haired country boys unhuh
jime: bump up this lane fer bout 5 minutes
female-chatter-#4 so am I jime - finish the damn story
jime: its snowin’ BAD now
jime: anyway
female-chatter-#2 snowing? good grief
jime: he parked by the barn, said getcher gear n hound n come along
jime: followun’ long, went through barn, long sheltered runway sorta thang
jime: into a house, his wife n kids were there, supper on table, extra place set, n bowl of dogfood n water fer dawg (-;
female-chatter-#4 AWWWWWWWW
female-chatter-#3 L I B
jime: we satayed there with him fer like 5 days
female-chatter-#2 that is soooooooooooooooooo neat!
female-chatter-#3 how cool is that!
female-chatter-#2 wow
female-chatter-#4 kewl
male-chatter-#1 Great story.
male-chatter-#2 lucky dog didn’t fart in car jime
female-chatter-#2 yeah!
female-chatter-#2 LOL
female-chatter-#4 yep - for sure
female-chatter-#3 Jime great, story!!!!!11
jime: his wife was a great cook, his kids were smart n well mannered, n he had some of the BEST weed i’ve ever toked (-;
Joins: male-chatter-#3
male-chatter-#2 he woulda shot ya both then ROFL
female-chatter-#3 permission to leave room to go pee, mnow?
male-chatter-#2 go female-chatter-#3.
jime: hey jerry (-;
female-chatter-#4 lol
female-chatter-#3 ty, ty
female-chatter-#3 brb
female chatter #1 lol female-chatter-#3
jime: glad y’all enjoyed it (-;
female-chatter-#2 wow… thtat was a great story jime..
female-chatter-#2 it shows that all cops arent bad lol
female chatter #1 that was funny story jime